Advice Column: Nov 6, 2023

Q: How do I stop procrastinating? (10,F)

A: Everyone has done it. Worked on a project assigned two weeks ago, the night before it was due (I’m even procrastinating writing this). Studies show that about 20% of adults are chronic procrastinators today. Wow! But don’t worry, I have a couple of tricks to help you overcome this habit. Firstly, think about why you are procrastinating. If the project is intimidating: break big tasks into smaller parts you can accomplish today. Then set a plan of when you will accomplish each part. Using time management apps like Toggl can help! If you really want to play Fifa: set a timer to work for 30 minutes, and give yourself study breaks in between. Experts say setting rewards for yourself can be a good motivator to study. Finally, if you find yourself feeling unmotivated to study: set a timer to work for just 5 minutes. Then decide if you want to keep working. After the timer beeps, you will realize you have gotten over the hard part (which is starting) and you will be in the flow of studying. Personally, I ask my friends and family members to hold me accountable. They will check on me to make sure I’m getting my work done. Good luck!

All the best,

Malva

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Q: How to not feel like I have to be perfect all the time, especially with my grades? (10,M)

A: Academic validation is the act of relating one’s self-worth to their grades. If you feel like this, you are not alone! However, there are a couple of important things to remember. First of all, know that you are important. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in 10 years doing what you love. How do you think you got there? Was it your hard work, or maybe support from your family? I’m sure you did not say it was your GPA. Trying your best and improving every day is all that counts, and when you stop worrying, your grades will reflect that. And, if we were constantly perfect we would have no room for growth. That would be so boring!

Secondly, FDR is a school with a year-long grading system. That means that it is okay to have fluctuation in your grades since there is always room to improve and raise them. This being said it is important to know that your grade on one test is not representative of what you know. Sometimes things happen, you have a bad day or the test was really difficult. Do not beat yourself up! There is plenty of time between now and the end of the year. Keep working hard, but don’t push yourself too far. It is normal to do well in some classes but not in others. Remember, grades will not decide your position in life. Even Albert Einstein had bad grades and dropped out of high school. Am I saying to quit altogether? No, but it is okay to cut yourself some slack!

All the best,

Malva

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Q: How to get your crush to like you back or even want to talk to you?

A: Oh, the timeless questions of crushes and dating. Now, given that I know nothing about this mysterious person you like, I can’t give you any specific feedback. Of course, if you provide more information (anonymously, ‘course), I can tailor my feedback to capturing the heart of this mystery person. I can, however, give you some general information on good ways to get your crush to notice you.

• First, show interest (and no, this doesn’t mean throwing it in their face that you like them… or obsessively stalking all their socials). When you see them, do something small like wave or smile at them. This is subtle enough that it’s not extreme, but still sets up the idea that you want to establish a connection and set up a friendship.

• Engage in conversations about your passions. Nothing is more stunning than that twinkle someone gets in their eyes when they are passionate about what they are talking about. You should see if you have interests in common with the person you are attracted to. This will also help you to know if you genuinely like this person or if you solely like the idea of them. Not to mention, if you share a passion, it becomes an excellent excuse for further conversation!

• Show off your kindness! As humans, we are altruistic beings – that is, there are countless psychological studies indicating how we prefer to be kind and are attracted to kindness. This doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but holding open the door or giving someone a small complement every now and then can go a long way. Similarly, don’t trash-talk other teachers or students; the last thing you want is for them to wonder what you’re saying about them behind their back.

• Ask for help! I know this sometimes feels like a burden, but you would be shocked how much people like to help those in need. Doing small favors for someone is proven to make them like you more. Try not to go overboard, but simple things establish a connection and make the person feel good when they are around you! Next time you have that English paragraph that you need a second set of eyes on, you know who to go to!

• If they seem to like you and flirt back, be bold and invite them out. Maybe start with little things like inviting them to hang out with some friends or getting a simple coffee. You don’t have to confess your feelings, but extend an invitation and see their response. If they decline and don’t attempt to reschedule a time, maybe take a step back.

With all this in mind, remember to have fun. People “notice [someone] who is having a good time and relaxing,” according to Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of "How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together". I know it seems impossible to be yourself and be comfortable around someone you want to impress, but it makes you shine so much.

It’s important to remember that different people have different things they are looking for in a relationship! Even if it doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive, it just means you aren’t what they are looking for now. Remember to respect their feelings, though; if they aren’t looking for a relationship, you have to step back.

There is no magic formula or love potion that will make someone fall in love with you. All that you can do is openly communicate, smile, and try; the rest is up to them.

All the best!

Anonymous

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Q: How do I balance out my sleep, study, and social life?

A: This one seems impossible. As an IB student, I understand the struggle of choosing between getting enough sleep, the party all your friends are going to, and finishing the ten thousand assignments your teachers gave you over the weekend.

Firstly, get some sleep! I know it’s something we all like to cheat on; it seems so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. But that’s not what science says; sleep-deprived people tend to do worse in school and be less engaging in interactions. While there are always those days where you have to push through and finish the work, even if it means staying up until 2, keep these days to a minimum. Figure out how much sleep you need to feel awake and energetic (probably between 6-8 hours), and make sure you’re getting that much sleep. If this is impossible, consider taking 20-minute naps. Science has proven that this helps restimulate and focus your brain, helping with retention (so all that studying you’re doing isn’t a waste).

Okay, now that we have the sleep portion out of the way, studying and social life: how do we choose between them? Do we have to? Take a log of what you do in a week. How much time are you spending on apps like TikTok and Instagram? If you find it impossible to stay away from these sites, consider putting on app timers, or something I’ve done is blocking cookies on YouTube so their lovely algorithm can’t suck away all my time.

If you’re still struggling to find time, focus on your daily activities. FDR gives us a long lunch, so how do you use it? What if you spent 30 minutes of lunch with your friends and the rest of the time in a teacher's room studying or asking questions? Doing this will free up some time in the afternoon for all the events you want to attend. And, when you do go to those parties and events, present a time to leave that will allow you to wake up at a decent hour the next day. Also, set up study sessions with your friends. This will help your friend groups work to grow together and make accomplishing good grades a group effort instead of a lonely solo pursuit.

I know the difficulty you face, and often, as an IB student, you must face the impossibility of being deprived of a social life, sleep, or grades. I hope this helped you manage the struggle.

All the best!

Anonymous